1. |
The Smiley Man
02:20
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THE SMILEY MAN
by Mike Votava
------------------
I grew up overshadowed by buildings
couldn’t catch the eye of no city girl
Drove my rusty truck into a sea of whispers
the whispers build, the whispers cry
drinking beers with the morning skies
When I was a child I met the smiley man
I asked him how he stayed so smiley
this is what the smiley man said
don’t live your life like a fuddy duddy
even if you feel like a fuddy duddy
that ain't no way to live
amen
Used to know a girl who lived in Bellingham
well now, sorry that’s not true
I’m playing a hilarious prank on you
But if I actually knew that girl
I’d wonder how she’s been
does she understand
the wisdom of the smiley man
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2. |
Buzzy Buzzy Bee
01:55
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Buzzy Buzzy Bee
by Mike Votava
________________
What’s your high score?
I’m coming for your honey
gonna write my name top the leader board
with a whiteboard pen and that will be the end
of Murray fucking Pendergrass
That’s a nice technique
I like the way you work that basket
catch the floating balls drop them in the pot
give em all you’ve got plus a little more
before your time expires
Buzzy Buzzy Bee
Buzzy Buzy Buzzy Buzzy Buzzy Buzzy Bee
Buzzy Buzzy Bee
Buzzy Buzzy Bee
I finally have enough
cashing in all my tickets
Mr. Pickle ‘s mine
take him off the shelf
put him in my arms
next to my heart
so I can love him better
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3. |
Leaves Of Grass My Ass
02:59
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LEAVES OF GRASS MY ASS
by MIKE VOTAVA
------------------------------
Everything’s a wash, my brain is swimming in the clouds
my wheel of fortune’s spinning and I cannot buy a vowel
because I don’t know how
Pat Sajak help me out
Another fucking masterpiece is showing me the door
don’t understand what’s happening
there’s poetry galore
what are these words for?
You’re a worthy adversary
Homer’s in the cemetery
filled with rage and knocking on your grave
Damn you Walt Whitman
words not built to last
damn you Walt Whitman
Leaves of grass my ass
I’m hearing what you’re saying and I have to disagree
I‘m pretty sure without a doubt a cheesecloth is not a thing
Turns out it’s a thing
I’ve been Googling
it’s a piece of cloth used for cooking cheese
Even though I’m super dumb I’m gifting you the blame
Packaged in a shiny box sent from the house of pain
addressed to your name
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4. |
Itch To Scratch
03:09
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broken arrow tread lightly
startled sparrow crafty nightwing
game set and match
oh these plans we hatched
quite an itch to scratch
i've got this feeling that we've got big trouble
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5. |
I Am
03:45
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I Am
by Nick Droz and Mike Votava
--------------------------------
King of the lanes
running this town
You’re setting them up and I’m striking them down
I Party all the time
that’s the way I roll
I can fit two fingers and a thumb inside of your holes
Who do you think you are?
I am
Rocking the tour
always putting on a show
my balls are silky smooth and they know just where to go
There’s a turkey on the board
I’m rolling like butter
Gonna slap some on your toast while I’m banging your mother
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6. |
Broken Heads
01:56
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The other day when you came by
you took the sky from me
Now things have changed
can’t feel the clouds underneath my feet
Give it up for old curmudgeon
get off my lawn
that’s what she said
The enemy might be among us
with shifty eyes and broken heads
The empty streets are occupied
with the secret messages that transmit
give me your decoder ring
I’m gonna smash it into bits
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7. |
I Took A Nap Into Town
01:19
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I took a nap into town
there I go
I took a nap into town
like a pro
Everyone’s honking at me
everyone’s causing a scene
All these lazy bones
impact my transportation modes
She’s shaking her driving cane
why can’t I stay in my lane
Floating down the interstate in the clouds
fluffy pillows
the commuters don’t hesitate
curse me out
full of road rage
I took a nap into town
there I go
I took a nap into town
like a pro
Everyone’s honking at me
I must be causing a scene
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8. |
That's The Wrong Pope
02:45
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Hoffman is the coach
he keeps his fingernails clean
praying to God that I make the basketball team
forgive me father
my airball’s a sin
I doubt that my free throws will ever go in
that’s the wrong pope
Go Meryl Streep
find out what you need to know
crashing the scene
like a cat with a mouse down her throat
in dramatic fashion
the words leave her mouth
a heart that was certain is now filled with doubt
that’s the wrong Pope
Poor Amy Adams
with her back to the classroom
their antics are hard to control
she unleashes my favorite quote
How many times must they say it out loud
doubt doubt doubt doubt doubt doubt
doubt doubt doubty doubt
that’s the wrong pope
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9. |
Sweet Pajama Shark
02:28
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You told me that I was the one
bouncing off the moonlight
raindrops keep falling on my butt
though you prefer the sunshine
turn off the lights
everything is right
another Hamburger night
let’s get it on
I know that I belong
forever wrapped up in your stripes
there’s no more question marks
sweet pajama shark
there’s no place that I would rather be
than swimming in your ocean
I love it and I will repeat
im Blueberry Johnson
does that make sense?
no longer on the fence
can you see it in my eyes?
It’s Time for bed
my favorite sleepyhead
forever wrapped up in your stripes
There’s no more question marks
sweet pajama shark
watch out for cart narcs
sweet pajama shark
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10. |
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You told me that I was the one
bouncing off the moonlight
raindrops keep falling on my butt
though you prefer the sunshine
turn off the lights
everything is right
another Hamburger night
let’s get it on
I know that I belong
forever wrapped up in your stripes
there’s no more question marks
sweet pajama shark
there’s no place that I would rather be
than swimming in your ocean
I love it and I will repeat
im Blueberry Johnson
does that make sense?
no longer on the fence
can you see it in my eyes?
It’s Time for bed
my favorite sleepyhead
forever wrapped up in your stripes
There’s no more question marks
sweet pajama shark
watch out for cart narcs
sweet pajama shark
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11. |
Ode To Apollo
02:55
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Why does Apollo Creed have to die every time I’m watching Rocky IV?
Throw in the towel Sylvester Stallone
If he dies he dies, says Ivan Drago
There’s no easy way out
There’s no shortcut home
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12. |
Farting Around
04:00
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Hey, Mr. Clean pants
You think you’re better than me?
Hey, Mr. Clean Pants
Your pants are super clean
On the stage with an arrow through your head
no one’s laughing
the audience is dead
Whoa oh
Steve Martin
Look what you’re starting
Always farting around
Am I original
I accidentally borrowed your material
Now I will drown my sorrows in some cereal
How was I supposed to know that you used it in your show
50 billion years ago in the early 70s
Hey there, Glasses
I like your glasses
Hey there, Glasses
Nice glasses
On the field or behind the upright bass
It’s hard to see without the glasses on your face
Whoa oh
Geof Larson
Oh Fart Fartson
Always farting around
Am I original
I accidentally borrowed your material
Now I will drown my sorrows in some cereal
How was I supposed to know that you used it in your show
50 trillion years ago in the early 70s
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13. |
Swan Knocker
02:33
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You’ve been at it for hours
you do this every day
violate my mail slot
which I don’t appreciate
Who’s rocking on my front door
swan knocker
If you love me say so
otherwise just go away
keep me from my pizza
with your feathers in my face
Who’s rocking on my front door
swan knocker
Watch you terrorize the neighborhood
you’re a superstar on the local news
Unlike all the other British you birds
you’re out to break my heart
and there’s nothing I can do
Who’s rocking on my front door
swan knocker
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14. |
The Pizza Bank
02:06
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Time to make a deposit
withdrawal whenever you want it
save up for your party
pizza is better than money
One pizza
two pizza
three pizza
four pizza
The Pizza Bank
Five pizza
six pizza
seven pizza
eight pizza
The Pizza Bank
Cheese and pepperoni
no pizza baloney
open Monday thru Friday
and Saturdays and Sundays
T – H – E – P – I – Z – Z – A – B – A – N – K
The Pizza Bank
T – H – E – P – I – Z – Z – A – B – A – N – K
The Pizza Bank
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15. |
Call The Wedding Off
03:16
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That’s a photo of my egg
it must be what I had for breakfast
looking up at me to say “remember when…”
and wishing it had arms to wave
That was not a pleasant day
or an egg to be remembered
how can breakfast be so unremarkable yet still remain significant?
I think I’ve had enough
go send some emails
call the wedding off
and let the robots know I won’t be needing their services any longer
They still follow me around
they didn’t get the memo
shower me with lonely memories
from here to infinity
I wonder if this is the end
the end of all forgetting
I don’t even need to write that down
the robots will remember it
There’s only one solution
I’m going nuclear
I’m gonna fix their wagon
I’m going nuclear
Feliz Navidad
compleanos ahblos a bobbedy blaa
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16. |
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THANKS FOR FOLLOWING THE RULES
BY MIKE VOTAVA
------------------------------------------
Waiting impatiently
the empty bench across the street is mocking me because I have to stand
Say good morning to the bus driver
your 15th avenue south chauffer
destination Beacon Hill station
the light rail is your friend
your one and only fiend
Red Apple Market deli is the place for lunch
they got discount sandwiches
Thanks for following the rules
There’s an old lady with a cane inside a triangle
be prepared to offer her your seat
there’s no hamburgers, no cigarettes
please keep your music to yourself
and if you bring your dog you’ll need to keep them in a box
in a little tiny box
Proof of purchase is a requirement
head and hands inside the bus
Thanks for following the rules
No standing on the stairs
fold your strollers
stay seated, almost there
the ride is over
The moon is out
the sun is gone
reverse the route on my way home
embrace the grumpiness or face unwanted consequence
unwanted consequence
There are four lights competing with a million stars
shout it Captain Picard
thanks for following the rules
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17. |
Of Salesman
03:03
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I‘m going door to door with predictors in my briefcase
You can’t resist my charm
it goes up all the way to eleven
Never mind all of the warnings
all that you’ve heard is a lie
brains are not meant to be broken
a hundred percent of the time
I guarantee that you’ll be fine
of salesman
you got the green light
wait one second
then press the button
Choice
an illusion
it’s predetermined
that you’ll buy one from me
None of your decisions matter
you think that they do but they don’t
maybe I’ll get a promotion
Millions and millions have sold
It’s the easiest job in the world
of salesman
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18. |
At The Movies
03:02
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Here we go
to the movies
watch a show
eat some popcorn
Find a seat
in the theatre
I’m not impressed
with the trailers
Cooling off
in the summer
you gotta love
the air conditioning
blew my mind
that Tyler Durden
and Edward Norton
are the same person
at the movies
I’ve got to run
to the bathroom
when I return
tell me what happened
Check it out
the folks in front of us
are making out
touching boobies
Holy crap
give them an Oscar
and all the thumbs
Siskel and Ebert
This is great
watching Arnold
terminate
Sarah Connor
at the movies
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19. |
What Would Swayze Do
03:02
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What would Swayze do
if he were in this exact situation
before you act the fool
ask yourself the million dollar question
how about a roundhouse kick
or some dirty dancing and super sexy moves
What would Swayze do
When you’re just not sure
search your heart for Swayze wisdom nuggets
you know the pain don’t hurt
those hungry eyes will work to keep you from it
always be nice
until it’s time to rip out a throat or two
What would Swayze do
Not everything will point break your way
take a naked midnight walk
to process all your thoughts
with moonlight bouncing off your butt
What would Swayze do
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20. |
Lazybones
03:13
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I like to wash my clothes
get them nice and clean
then throw them on the floor
Sometimes I make my bed
most days I don’t
burrito blankets
I’m a lazybones
a pile of lazybones
Don’t rush me
Not a morning guy
on my own time
I’m a lazybones
You’re not my BFF
coffee is mine
we’re super tight
I am the president
I am in charge
of this procrastination
Don’t push me
you’ll only make it worse
I’m on my own time
I’m a lazybones
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21. |
Hot Dog
03:55
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I hope you notice me when I die
Let’s make it easier
for you to make reflections on my life
Life has been good to me
full of sex and candy
So Put down your beer
pay attention to the words that will appear
You can pick only one phrase
you can’t change it
that’s the way the creator made it
so shout with your last breath make it count
Hot dog in the back of your mind
it belongs to a voice you recognize
I’ll be gone but you’ll know what’s going on
because Hot Dog is the code for I just died
when you hear hot dog you will know that I just died
That hot dog was intentional
even though I know you prefer hamburgers
as your favorite meat sandwich of choice
Psychic hot dog energy
floating all across the universe
Like an undead Facebook post
that can only reach the ones you love the most
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22. |
Another Day
01:58
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A handful of worthless dimes
dreaming of Sunday and secret valentines
not sure what I just said
under the covers, I can’t escape my bed
There goes another day
Mumbling perfect lines
fake conversations form circles in real-time
pressure is building up
exhausted from thinking I should have got more done
There goes another day
Down you go, like Dominos over thirty minutes late
the pie is free
it’s meant for me
it’s not a thing to throw away
There goes another day
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23. |
Rocket Boat
02:54
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Rocket boat zooming by
wish I was on that ride
on the rocket boat
awesome rocket boat
Underneath the burning bridge
the paper trails and interwebz
praise the rocket boat
five-star rocket boat
I’ve been moving kind of slow
it’s the only way I know
close my eyes, begin to float
on the rocket boat
Open skies making waves
live the dream
good times for days
on the rocket boat
exclusive rocket boat
Horizon goals beyond the sun
just out of reach unless you’re on
on the rocket boat
magic rocket boat
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24. |
Birthday Cow
02:21
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I could never spend Halloween on my birthday cow
they never let me spend Halloween on my birthday cow
Put my head down chase the sad away
take some candy from my candy tray
Sweet ol’ Bessie
I know you really love
the monster mashing and children throwing up
Pose for a photograph in my little cowboy hat
the cheese is stuck behind my breath
walk the neighborhood even though I should
be on the back of my best friend
Birthday Cow
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25. |
Possum House
02:25
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I’m building a house for all the possums in the world
so they can have a place to party down
The possum house is an awesome house to live
especially if you are a possum
Through the open door is how they get inside
there’s possums galore having the greatest time
Mud and stick and sticks and mud
held together with some love
it’s super sturdy and built to last
for the longest time
I’m building a possum house
motherfucking possum house
I’m’ building a possum house
whoa yeah
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26. |
Do Not Be Afraid
01:49
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Do not be afraid
do not be afraid
do not be afraid of the mosquitoes in my grave
All my magic cards are gone
long white bones with the flesh all gone
all my magic cards blown away
long white bones that look OK
Robots traveling through time
their mission has been well defined
keep your hands off my burrito
here’s sub-zero now plain zero
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27. |
The Golden Monkey
02:49
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This is my friend Mark
I think he’s a 10 out of 10
he likes to kick me down the stairs
We are BFFs
I think that’s why he breaks all my stuff
he gets to do what he wants
or I get punched in the junk
What the hell was I thinking?
my future self is cringing
I can’t believe I could ever be so wrong
It’s awful and I know it
Embarrassed by the moment
The monkey’s not as golden as I thought
My eight-year-old self
would lose his shit on a trip to Mickey D’s
there’s nothing better than a happy meal
Now as an adult
I can’t fathom why I’d go there to eat
cuz what I thought was D lish is so obviously garbage
The big mac I just ordered
tastes like fancy cardboard
but as a child, I love to throw them down
My younger self expired
now my tastes buds are much wiser
that burger has no business in my mouth
That nice lady seemed so lovely at the time
but now I know she’s super evil
it disgusts me knowing that she pulled one on me
I do the best I can
I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed
but I hope my future self can recognize and be forgiving
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28. |
Don't Sit On The Cat
01:55
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Don't sit on the cat
the cat doesn't want to be sat on
Don't sit on the cat
the cat doesn't want to be flattened
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29. |
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I don’t want your butt in my face
Big fat wiener
big fat wiener
ding dong dinger
ding dong donger
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30. |
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There are no lyrics on this version. It is an instrumental. If you came here looking for lyrics, than you have come to the wrong placce
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Mike Votava Seattle, Washington
Mike Votava is an artist. He writes songs, he performs, he rocks out. People seem to like it. You will
too.
Mike lives in Seattle at the House of Pain.
Don't be surprised if he calls you a ding dong. That's just how he talks.
... more
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